It just wasn't meant to be
by Zoe-M
Summary: 6 dreaded words, 4 broken hearts, 2 boys, 2 girls, and a lot of angst. Includes slash and femmeslash. Kairi/Namine, Kairi/Sora, Namine/Roxas, Roxas/Sora.


I would like to say a big thanks to 'Forestwater' for her fantastic help beta-reading my writing.

Note: In this fanfiction none of these characters are related.

Warning: Contains slash and femmeslash.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts. Simple.

Key:

Italics - Character thoughts/Diary

* - Flashback

~~ - Character POV

**It just wasn't meant to be**

~ Naminé ~

Fresh tears ran down my cheeks as I listened to footsteps that were much louder and harsher than they had any right to be. They were leaving us. I glanced up from under my arm, which was flung across my face, and watched. Their backs were ramrod straight, their steps unfaltering. They didn't even care.

I dropped my head on my arm again and listened to those awful footsteps. They sounded muffled and almost inaudible, and that was wrong. They shouldn't sound soft -- they should sound squelchy, like they were walking in mud. Or stepping on hearts.

A hand reached under my arm with almost comic slowness, catching my own hand and stroking it with one large, square thumb. "Forget about them," he said, smiling though his eyes remained watery and stung. He brought his arm over my shoulder and caressed me, his hands making warm circles on my upper arm. "They're not worth it."

We both knew he was lying.

~Kairi~

A warm muscular arm wound around my shoulder, and I pressed myself into him. He was the best friend I'd ever had; we'd grown up together, and, as is wont to happen in corny teenage romances and sometimes real life, friendship blossomed into something more. He was my friend, my boyfriend, and sometimes even a brother. He was exactly what I wanted, down to the last errant strand of brown hair.

_I think. _I snuck a peek behind me at the watery-eyed couple on the beach. My gaze was drawn to the petite blonde girl, and instantly my stomach knotted into a ball. _How could I have done that to her?_

_I wish she could see it's better this way. We're not supposed to be like that, not how she wants us to be. We're just too different . . . or the same . . . it's easier sometimes, and better, just to get out before it all goes to hell. It'll work out -- I know it will. Besides, nobody wants us to be like that. I shouldn't, either. I mean, I _don't!_ I really don't. I like him, not her! She was just a mistake._

_And I can't be held accountable for mistakes like _that_._

A blonde and a redhead were walking along the beach. It was fairly dark and in the distance party music sent a thudding bass through the sand, a noise one could feel as well as hear.

"So, what's your name, then?" Kairi slurred.

The blonde giggled, her fingers fluttering over her collarbone and fiddling with her hair. "Naminé." She stumbled, falling face-first into the sand.

"Naminé! Whatcha doing down there for?" The redhead extended her arm to help the blonde up. The blonde, still giggling, took her hand and pulled her down onto the sand with her.

"Look." Naminé smiled, gesturing towards the sky.

"Wow. . . . It's really pretty." Kairi was staring up at the sky, her mouth hanging open in that stupid way that belongs solely to people just waking up, concentrating hard on something, or absolutely shitfaced. _"Mmm."_ She hooked her hands behind her head, just happy to be in that moment. "You know what's also really pretty?" she asked with a grin.

The blonde shook her head, sitting up on one elbow to meet her friend's gaze.

"Then I'll show you." She held out her hand once more and she led them further down the beach. They passed the tide, which was extending long fingers of water up onto the sand, then drawing them back, as if it wasn't really sure where it wanted to be, and reached a shelf that was was sitting on top of some naturally-made stairs of rock. They climbed up the steps and stopped at the edge of the pool.

"It looks . . ." Naminé bit her lip, her tongue heavy and struggling for words, "like it's mirroring the world around us. You know?" She leaned forward with her hands on her knees, looking into the world of the water. From the depths of the pool, it appeared, a waterfall was gushing upwards to feed the trees, which were growing upside-down from the surface of the water.

"It's mirroring _us_," Kairi said, watching the other girl's eyes light up. Naminé leaned in even closer and stumbled, her legs too wobbly to keep such a difficult position. Kairi, moving with a deftness that surprised even her, reached out and snatched Naminé's arm and hauled her back.

Naminé fell back into Kairi's chest, almost sending them both toppling into the sea. When they'd regained their balance, they looked at each other. The moonlight made everything seem magical to Kairi; Naminé's skin had turned a pearly white, and her hair was no longer gold, but silver. She looked beautiful, perfect.

She looked like someone Kairi very much wanted to kiss.

Naminé rolled her shoulders back, meaning to push off of Kairi and stand up, but before she could, Kairi dropped her friend's elbow and wrapped her arms around her waist. Naminé looked up at her, confused, and Kairi bent her head and brushed her lips against Naminé's. After a moment of shocked stillness, Kairi felt a sudden pressure as Naminé kissed her back. Her hands twined around and into the blonde's cornsilk-fine hair, pulling her closer and pressing her body against hers, feeling her warmth through Naminé's thin white shirt.

When they broke away, flushed and panting for breath, they both had identical dazed smiles on their faces. Naminé reached up with a trembling lily-white hand and traced Kairi's lips with one cool finger. "That was it," she said, her eyes still far away. "That was it, wasn't it?"

Kairi had no idea what "it" she meant, but alcohol was still coursing fire-hot through her blood, and she pulled Naminé back, eager to taste this strange, frail girl again.

~Sora~

_What do they think they're doing? It's disgusting! Can't they just be happy together? I'm meant to be with Kairi, always. I love her. So why can't he shove off, and leave me in peace. I hate him, I hate him. Stupid poof. Why can't he wake up to the real world, where he's supposed to be with her, not me? I still can't believe he did that. . . ._

"Hey, have you seen Naminé? She's about yea-high and blonde. Very pretty, in a pale, elfin way."

Sora turned around to see a tall blond-haired boy no older than he was with his hand hovering just below his shoulder. He had blue eyes that reminded him a lot of Kairi's, and his face was open and friendly. He didn't seem like anyone to be leery of, so Sora smiled and shook his head. "No, I haven't. But I'm looking for someone, too. Her name's Kairi, she's got red hair and a pink dress. Do you know her?"

"Nope, sorry." He shrugged, then smiled. "Maybe they're both missing in the same place. Should we look together?"

"Yeah, all right." Sora didn't see any reason not to be around this guy, and he did need to find Kairi before long. He could use all the help he could get. "I'm Sora, by the way. What's your name?"

"Roxas." He held out his hand and Sora shook it. It was large, warm, and firm; he liked it.

"So . . . where do you think they'd be?"

Sora looked around, trying to make sense of the gyrating bodies and flailing arms. There were plenty of redheads, and twice as many blondes, but no Kairi. And he had to trust Roxas's judgement that there was no Naminé, either. "I saw a lot of girls going up there," he said, pointing towards the lone stairwell conveniently located across the dance floor.

Roxas shrugged again, something he seemed to do a lot. That, coupled with his half-smile, made Sora think that this guy had a serious case of devil-may-care. "We'll never know until we try, will we?" he said with the shadow of a smirk.

"You really live for adventure, don't you?" Sora asked, amused despite himself.

Roxas winked. "Always." He wrapped his large hand around Sora's wrist and dragged him through the crowd of dancers. At first Sora was horrified -- to any casual observer, it looked like they were holding hands! -- but realized that no one was watching them, and that even less people cared. So he let the blond lead him up the stairs and into the relative peace and quiet of the second floor. Once up there, though, he yanked his hand away from Roxas's before it became obvious that his new friend wasn't going to let go.

The first room they came to was empty, but most of the wall was covered by a plate-glass window looking down and out over the beach and ocean. The view, with the white sand cozying up to black grass on one side and silver-tipped waves on the other, was breathtaking, and both of them were frozen for a moment.

"Hey, do you think they're outside?" Roxas asked. Sora jumped; he hadn't noticed how close Roxas had gotten, close enough to feel heat emanating from him. He scurried away toward the window, not liking this alone time one bit.

"Better be." There was a door leading out to a balcony, and Sora stepped through it, keeping his gaze and his thoughts on the crowd below. he caught a glimpse of blonde out closer to the waves, and leaned over the railing to get a closer look. "Hey, Roxas, is that --"

Roxas had sneaked up on Sora with the silence and grace of a cat, and once he turned around, Roxas leaned forward and kissed him, his tongue slipping out to lap at his upper lip before disappearing again. Sora was frozen, his lips cold and hard beneath his own, but Roxas was positive that he had read the boy right. He was skilled at getting vibes from the right people, and he knew that he was drawn to this small brunet with the large blue eyes. And he was equally certain that Sora was drawn to him in the same way. He only needed a moment to respond.

And a moment later, he did.

And Roxas began to suspect that he had been wrong for the first time in years.

Sora shoved him away, wiping his mouth with his forearm and glaring at Roxas. "What the hell was that for?" he demanded, his voice shrill and shaky.

Roxas froze, his mind filled with a meaningless buzzing. Through lips that seemed to have turned to rock, he stammered out, "A-a heartless did it."

Sora stared at him, silent. Then his eyes narrowed and he crossed his arms. "What," he said through clenched teeth, not even allowing the word to become a question.

"A heartless . . . tripped me, a-and I fell . . . o-o-onto you. Then I thought as we were kind of already kissing we might as well just, well, go with it." He smiled weakly and held his arms out to the side. "You know?"

Sora just glared at him, and Roxas decided to try one more time. "These things just happen," he said, and clapped Sora on the shoulder. "No hard feelings, right?"

"Don't touch me!" Sora jerked away from Roxas, pulling out his Keyblade and swinging it flat-out, like a baseball bat. Had Sora either forgotten or been too angry to turn the sword, Roxas would most likely have been chopped in two. However, instead he was only slammed back against the wall, where he collapsed into a crumpled heap on the floor. Sora looked down at him, disgusted, then turned and stormed out, leaving Roxas to try and catch his breath.

~Kairi~

I watched Naminé wipe fresh tears off her cheeks, where an ugly blush spread across her face in blotches, and sighed. _Did life really have to be this cruel?_

I thought about the night of the party, and then just yesterday.

_I have to admit, I _do_ like Naminé . . . just not like that. She's more like a best friend I just got really into after a stupid drunken party. We couldn't be together; we're practically from two separate worlds._

_So why, when I told her that, did it feel so much like a lie?_

Naminé bounced over to Kairi and gave her a slightly awkward hug. She was about to kiss her partner, but the redhead turned away so that Naminé's lips brushed her cheek instead.

"Naminé, listen, we, um, need to talk." She bit her lip, already seeing hurt and confusion in her friend's eyes. When Naminé didn't say anything, Kairi took a deep breath and bit the bullet. "We can't be together." She was going to add "anymore" but thought it would sound stupid, considering they barely knew each other.

Her response was just as Kairi had feared; immediately her eyes filled with tears and her lips trembled. She made a good effort at hiding it -- she blinked a lot, and didn't look away -- but it still hurt. "Why not?"

"Because I'm not like you," Kairi said. "I'm . . . I'm not a lesbian."

Naminé's eyebrows drew together, drooping down at the ends. "But how come . . . ?"

"It was just a mistake. That's all. I was drunk."

"Children and drunks are the only ones who tell the truth." She looked up at Kairi with an expression that said she thought she was being wise . . . and hopeful?

"But I didn't say anything!" Now she was confused. _Had _she said anything?

Naminé gave her a sly glance. "You didn't have to," she said. "Your eyes -- and your lips -- said everything that you couldn't say aloud."

Kairi sighed, for the first time feeling exasperated. "I'm sorry if you thought I said something, but I really didn't. I just did something stupid, as both children and drunks are both wont to do more often than tell the truth! Besides, I like Sora, and that's never going to change."

She laughed, and Kairi was surprised to hear a faint glimmer of humor in it. She really wouldn't give up, would she? "Then why'd you kiss me?"

Kairi's eyes rolled up to the sky, and her face flushed. "Because_ I was DRUNK!"_ she cried, throwing her hands into the air. Worried that she was going to break down and start screaming, she turned on her heel and stomped away, listening to her breath come and go in large huffs of air.

Naminé hurried after Kairi, grabbing her arm and pulling her around. "There _was_ something there," she whispered, reaching forward and grabbing both of Kairi's hands. "I saw it -- I _felt_ it. Please."

Kairi closed her eyes, guilt flooding her again like the alcohol had flooded her earlier. "There's nothing there, Naminé," she said. "Part of me wishes there was, so that you wouldn't have to hurt anymore. But it's not." She closed her eyes, unable to look at that pained face for another second.

Naminé's fingertips, butterfly-soft and as cool as they'd been the other night, fluttered over her face and through her hair. Kairi stood there with her eyes squeezed shut, not allowing herself to respond and give her any false hope. After a moment the hand dropped away. "I can't believe it," she said, her voice shaking. Kairi opened her eyes and saw Naminé press her lips together and brush at her eyes with her free hand. She let go of Kairi's wrist, stepping back a few steps and sniffling.

Kairi wanted to hug her, to apologize, but she couldn't make herself move forward. So with a mumbled apology, she shoved her hands into her pockets and walked away, her eyes prickling.

She'd never felt worse in her entire life.

~Roxas~

Did I really deserve that? It was just one kiss -- it's not like I tried to rape him or anything.

Was it really my fault for wanting to be complete? I was drawn to him, and I knew he was drawn to me . . . I _thought_ he was drawn to me. Or was it just my desperate, wishful thinking?

I sighed. And what about Naminé? I hated that she was stuck like this alongside me. I would've give anything for her to be free.

I stroked her blonde hair gently, listening to her weep. It wasn't fair. "Don't cry, Naminé, it'll be all right," I assured her.

"I'm sorry." She sniffed. "Sometimes it feels as if she's the other half of me."

"I know, babes, I know." I cradled her small body against mine; she looked so delicate, so fragile and broken. I thought about the pair who appeared as small as ants in the distance. I really wanted to be with him, as Naminé did her, but we couldn't. It wasn't fair.

I sighed. I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

~Naminé~

_Dear Diary:_

_So here we are; just sitting on the beach, watching the other half of us walk away like we're nothing but garbage tossed on the side of the road._

_See, that's the thing about us nobodies: no one else knows what it's like to feel incomplete. We're either forced to watch the rest of them live their lives and be happy, or be like Roxas and be forced into the Organization. And some of us, like Axel, would simply be forced to "burn up" with the feeling of unfillment and emptiness._

_No matter what we do, there's no real freedom. Everything we do is forced upon us. Force . . . it's an awful word because it applies to me and the people I care about._

_Isn't that always the way of the world?_

_Unless you're one of them, the lucky ones who are free to live, free to love, free to just __be__._

_So next time, Diary, and anyone who happens to read this diary after we've faded away, when you're thinking life really sucks, just be glad you're complete. That you don't have to long for what you want most and never receive it. You'll never have to think "It just wasn't meant to be."_

'_Cause even if your world is destroyed, nothing is as bad as having the other half of you torn away._

_Naminé x_


End file.
